I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
