im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
