I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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