Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
