shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
