that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
