I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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