It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
