Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
