my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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