Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
