Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
