Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
