Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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