Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
