good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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