Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
