I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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