i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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