Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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