Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it penis luge time yet?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
