I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I love you. Go after that dick
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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