hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
