I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
