Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
