I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
