You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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