cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
