I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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