Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
