dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
