I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
