Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
