Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
