Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
