I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
