hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
