I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
