It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize