my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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