I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel like abortions should bother me more
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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