Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
