Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
