dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
