careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
