I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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