She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
