She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
