i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
