The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
