I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
