seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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