Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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