you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
