I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
